Can I tell you something? It's totally official...I am bored, bored, bored of being out of work. There are just so many times one should see "America's Top Model" reruns, and God help me, Xanadu (which I watched again at 1 a.m. this morning since I could not sleep...since I could not shut my brain off of "you're-a-loser" mode again).
And, what is up (and I know I've mentioned this before) with companies who don't have the decency to let you know that you are out of the running...thank you very much! There are programs are out there that a lot of them use to send you encouraging "congratulations, you've qualified for the next step" emails (including my former employer), AND "thank you for your application...while your qualifications are impressive...blah, blah, no thanks," but most of them do not go the extra mile to use that last one, and we're in this netherworld of hopefulness and hopelessness. Just how many resumes and applications does it take to feel absolutely demoralized and questioning your own worth??? Ugh!
I have done the good sister stuff by accompanying my older brothers to their various medical procedures and hung out during and after surgery, I've gotten kittens and cats adopted, sent a congratulations to my brother and his "new" wife, I've made endless lunches for my husband and son to come home to...with dessert sometimes, helped at my husband's business...doesn't the universe recognize this?
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Thursday, September 23, 2010
When An Dear Friend Bites
My friend and her family had to make the very hard decision to have their lab put down today. He was all black and had the greatest of faces. Unfortunately, in the last few years, he seemed to undergo what may have been neurological changes, and he would lash out to his family for no reason; last night resulted in six stiches for my friend's husband, and that was the last straw.
Unless you have had pets, you cannot feel that awful ache of a loss when they pass away. People who never had pets or do not like animals think the rest of us are pretty strange for crying when we lose our dear friends. I remember my mother would talk about our little Boston Terrier, Kippy, years after he died, and she would just tear up about it. I get that. Our pets' soul intertwine with ours and lift us up to a higher level of existence with regard to compassion and empathy. They don't ask for anything but love, a scratch on the belly or around the ears, a warm, dry place to sleep -- preferably with us -- and the freedom to run around and bark or purr whenever they need to get our attention. It's not really that much to ask, right?
I have another friend who studies a lot of material that's sort of new age, but it delves into spirituality and the possibilities beyond our earth-bound existence. One of the things she read was when we pass on, the first souls to greet us will be our pets who will run through the crowd to seek us out. That would be cool. Whatever somewhere there is after the now, you have to believe that animals have a place in it too...just because their existence is no less important than ours in the scheme of things, right?
Unless you have had pets, you cannot feel that awful ache of a loss when they pass away. People who never had pets or do not like animals think the rest of us are pretty strange for crying when we lose our dear friends. I remember my mother would talk about our little Boston Terrier, Kippy, years after he died, and she would just tear up about it. I get that. Our pets' soul intertwine with ours and lift us up to a higher level of existence with regard to compassion and empathy. They don't ask for anything but love, a scratch on the belly or around the ears, a warm, dry place to sleep -- preferably with us -- and the freedom to run around and bark or purr whenever they need to get our attention. It's not really that much to ask, right?
I have another friend who studies a lot of material that's sort of new age, but it delves into spirituality and the possibilities beyond our earth-bound existence. One of the things she read was when we pass on, the first souls to greet us will be our pets who will run through the crowd to seek us out. That would be cool. Whatever somewhere there is after the now, you have to believe that animals have a place in it too...just because their existence is no less important than ours in the scheme of things, right?
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Is Love Wonderful the Second Time Around?
My just-70-year-old brother is getting married tomorrow...again. His first marriage lasted 45 years, five months, and one day. We had taken him and my sister-in-law out for their 45th wedding anniversary that June, and I told my sister-in-law that a statute should be erected in her honor for being married to my brother for sooooo long. She chuckled...he grumbled.
How do I explain my feelings about this whole thing without sounding like a bitch...hmmmm...sorry...can't do it. Why get married again? Is there an unplanned pregnancy? This is totally unlikely, his fiancee is 65 years old.
Without going into the whole story, let's just say that my brother found himself alone for the first time in 46 years, and went nuts...spending money on crap that he did not need and probably did not want...but he had this big old hole in his heart and life, and he needed to fill it. Let's see, here's a fast itemization of what he bought within the months following losing my sister-in-law: two Yorkie puppies (adorable, but expensive and needy), a new fully loaded pickup truck, a new compact car, a set of those friggin'ly expensive cutco knives (I don't know how he fed himself prior to this...poor thing), a hot tub, and...drum roll...a camping trailer that has more stuff in it than some new houses. These purchases were done in the space of only four or five months! By the way, the puppies didn't last too long, they have found new homes and are thriving, thank goodness.
And, he' developed a two-year-old's lack of couth when it comes to blurting out inappropriate things about his relationship with the new woman in his life...TO HIS GROWN DAUGHTERS!!! As the youngest in the family, I have tried to explain to him that the ewwwww factor of all of this is very upsetting, especially in light of the fact that he's rushed into the spending of money and the dating thingie so quickly. But, he's in love (or heat), and headed down to North Carolina to get hitched by our 80-year-old cousin whose faculties I wouldn't trust.
I loved my sister-in-law because of the person she was...she saw good in even the lowest of humans and was the type of person who brought calm to stressful situations. She was very empathic, and would have empathy stomach cramps for you. I know my brother loved her and she loved him, so it's very weird to see this whole "I'm in love" junk going on with this other woman. Don't get me wrong, she seems like a decent sort, but I am having a hard time getting a reading from her...know what I mean? There are basic, primal responses we have to people and situations...that so-called gut feeling that I believe has kept us (for the most part) from being someone or something's dinner selection. But with this woman, I'm getting nothing...my spidey sense is coming up with nothing, and that nothing is making me wonder if there isn't "something" lurking beneath the makeup and leather pants (yes, I did say leather pants, and that she's 65 years old).
Well, anyway, it's not my business, and it's not his children's business either to a degree. Whatever decisions he's made are his responsibility. If this woman proves to be a good companion who truly loves and respects him, then he deserves that. If she proves otherwise, I'm afraid of what it'll do to him. In any case, we as his family will be there for him.
How do I explain my feelings about this whole thing without sounding like a bitch...hmmmm...sorry...can't do it. Why get married again? Is there an unplanned pregnancy? This is totally unlikely, his fiancee is 65 years old.
Without going into the whole story, let's just say that my brother found himself alone for the first time in 46 years, and went nuts...spending money on crap that he did not need and probably did not want...but he had this big old hole in his heart and life, and he needed to fill it. Let's see, here's a fast itemization of what he bought within the months following losing my sister-in-law: two Yorkie puppies (adorable, but expensive and needy), a new fully loaded pickup truck, a new compact car, a set of those friggin'ly expensive cutco knives (I don't know how he fed himself prior to this...poor thing), a hot tub, and...drum roll...a camping trailer that has more stuff in it than some new houses. These purchases were done in the space of only four or five months! By the way, the puppies didn't last too long, they have found new homes and are thriving, thank goodness.
And, he' developed a two-year-old's lack of couth when it comes to blurting out inappropriate things about his relationship with the new woman in his life...TO HIS GROWN DAUGHTERS!!! As the youngest in the family, I have tried to explain to him that the ewwwww factor of all of this is very upsetting, especially in light of the fact that he's rushed into the spending of money and the dating thingie so quickly. But, he's in love (or heat), and headed down to North Carolina to get hitched by our 80-year-old cousin whose faculties I wouldn't trust.
I loved my sister-in-law because of the person she was...she saw good in even the lowest of humans and was the type of person who brought calm to stressful situations. She was very empathic, and would have empathy stomach cramps for you. I know my brother loved her and she loved him, so it's very weird to see this whole "I'm in love" junk going on with this other woman. Don't get me wrong, she seems like a decent sort, but I am having a hard time getting a reading from her...know what I mean? There are basic, primal responses we have to people and situations...that so-called gut feeling that I believe has kept us (for the most part) from being someone or something's dinner selection. But with this woman, I'm getting nothing...my spidey sense is coming up with nothing, and that nothing is making me wonder if there isn't "something" lurking beneath the makeup and leather pants (yes, I did say leather pants, and that she's 65 years old).
Well, anyway, it's not my business, and it's not his children's business either to a degree. Whatever decisions he's made are his responsibility. If this woman proves to be a good companion who truly loves and respects him, then he deserves that. If she proves otherwise, I'm afraid of what it'll do to him. In any case, we as his family will be there for him.
The Sounds of Gunfire -- the Death of a Raccoon
OK...I must say that being home all these months has afforded me a view into my neighborhood that I have never had in the 30 years we've lived here...some of it pleasant, and some of it dark.
For instance, I was sitting here at my computer, contemplating vacuuming after going to the gym, and I heard two popping sounds. Hmmmm...are kids hitting the stop sign with rocks again, or was that gunfire in our sweet little village. I looked out, and sure enough, two village police cars were parked on the side street (we're on a corner), and two of our finest were looking into the woods along with one of my neighbors. Dum-de-dum-dum...
I foster stray cats, and I know that there have been some raccoons hanging out at night to finish up whatever food is left over. Fortunately, the cats know enough not to tangle with raccoons...they're meat eaters and vicious fighters...don't let those cute little faces and antics fool you. Anyway, since the two policemen and my neighbor didn't seem all that nervous, and no guns were drawn, I did what every nosey older person does when hearing gunfire, I went out to see what was going on...my 25-year-old son was just so impressed by this...NOT!
Well, it was a raccoon who was out during the day, which is usually a sign that not all is well with the raccoon since they are nocturnal creatures, and was acting strangely (according to the policemen). So they filled him full of lead...poor baby. Once that was established, my neighbor and I wandered back to our respective houses...and I heard one more pop as I sat down at my computer. Farewell, little soul.
For instance, I was sitting here at my computer, contemplating vacuuming after going to the gym, and I heard two popping sounds. Hmmmm...are kids hitting the stop sign with rocks again, or was that gunfire in our sweet little village. I looked out, and sure enough, two village police cars were parked on the side street (we're on a corner), and two of our finest were looking into the woods along with one of my neighbors. Dum-de-dum-dum...
I foster stray cats, and I know that there have been some raccoons hanging out at night to finish up whatever food is left over. Fortunately, the cats know enough not to tangle with raccoons...they're meat eaters and vicious fighters...don't let those cute little faces and antics fool you. Anyway, since the two policemen and my neighbor didn't seem all that nervous, and no guns were drawn, I did what every nosey older person does when hearing gunfire, I went out to see what was going on...my 25-year-old son was just so impressed by this...NOT!
Well, it was a raccoon who was out during the day, which is usually a sign that not all is well with the raccoon since they are nocturnal creatures, and was acting strangely (according to the policemen). So they filled him full of lead...poor baby. Once that was established, my neighbor and I wandered back to our respective houses...and I heard one more pop as I sat down at my computer. Farewell, little soul.
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Don't I Know You From Kindergarten???
OK, so we went to the last event of the three-event weekend for my 40-year high school reunion. I am telling you, it has to be the craziest thing to see someone you went to kindergarten with as an older person.
I was a bit heartened to see that, like me, people have aged...and not everyone who was skinny in high school stayed skinny. In fact, I was shocked by some transformations, but then, Life does have a way of biting you in the pants every so often, right?
I am very glad we went to the two events we did, and I am forever grateful to my husband that he put up with the squealing and kissing and reminiscing that each event brought. We've never gone to any of his reunions, and I think it's different for men. Unless they've kept in touch with each other, they don't tend to feel the same way about getting together with friends they haven't seen since their faces cleared up and their voices changed. I have friends that I've known since elementary and junior high school who I am still in touch with, and I find it very sustaining for the soul.
One of the things that was nice about hanging out with people at the reunion events is that when you mention someone's name or a place in your town, there is recognition, and that's a comfortable and familiar feeling.
Anyway, the plan is to do the next one in five years -- there was 20 years between this and the previous one. At last night's more formal event, the group acknowledged the over 70 of our classmates who have passed on from the over 700 who graduated...talk about reality check! Some of them passed away as teenagers or in their early twenties from cancer or war or accidents; others as recently as a couple of weeks ago.
I am very glad I went, and I will definitely go in five years as long as I'm still pumping air and taking nourishment (as my Mom would say).
I was a bit heartened to see that, like me, people have aged...and not everyone who was skinny in high school stayed skinny. In fact, I was shocked by some transformations, but then, Life does have a way of biting you in the pants every so often, right?
I am very glad we went to the two events we did, and I am forever grateful to my husband that he put up with the squealing and kissing and reminiscing that each event brought. We've never gone to any of his reunions, and I think it's different for men. Unless they've kept in touch with each other, they don't tend to feel the same way about getting together with friends they haven't seen since their faces cleared up and their voices changed. I have friends that I've known since elementary and junior high school who I am still in touch with, and I find it very sustaining for the soul.
One of the things that was nice about hanging out with people at the reunion events is that when you mention someone's name or a place in your town, there is recognition, and that's a comfortable and familiar feeling.
Anyway, the plan is to do the next one in five years -- there was 20 years between this and the previous one. At last night's more formal event, the group acknowledged the over 70 of our classmates who have passed on from the over 700 who graduated...talk about reality check! Some of them passed away as teenagers or in their early twenties from cancer or war or accidents; others as recently as a couple of weeks ago.
I am very glad I went, and I will definitely go in five years as long as I'm still pumping air and taking nourishment (as my Mom would say).
Saturday, September 11, 2010
High School Reunions -- Hello, My Name is ___________
I need to tell you that this weekend is the weekend of my (gulp!) 40-year high school reunion. Can you imagine???
My friends and I (and our husbands by default) met up last night at the "ice breaker" at a restaurant by the Hudson, and I have to admit, I was a bit nervous about facing down 20 years of aging (our last reunion was 20 years ago), especially after reading through the "memorial" page of our yearbook that is now online (along with other years from our high school).
I was warmly greeted by women who I have not seen in 20 years as my husband and I were walking in, and, I have to tell you, it was really nice and surreal at the same time to see everyone. Someone commented that the name tags -- with our senior year pictures -- should have not been written in script, given our age, since they were a bit difficult to read. We found ourselves ogling everyone's breasts trying to read their names and match them to the older faces. And, just think most everyone was the same age -- give or take a year or so one way or the other -- so we really had a study in heredity and possibly the wonders of cosmetic surgery.
Fortunately, my friend and I agreed to have our husbands with us so that they could entertain themselves while we were oooohhhing and ahhhing and hugging and kissing our long-lost classmates, so they (our husbands) were fine. I ran into people I have known since kindergarten, and because I went to four different elementary schools, I had friends from all over the town who either I met back up in junior high school or in high school.
The funniest thing is to hear about how many grandchildren people had...we have none...our adult children are not married which is totally okay with us, but our biological clocks are ticking too.
I think the saddest thing was how some people seemed to struggle to hold onto their high school images and personas as if the rest of us would be angry or disappointed with them. I swear that one woman, a sweetie pie in high school and still to this day, must have a picture somewhere in an attic room taking all the hits for her because she looked so friggin' good last night, and I told her so...ha!
The five of us ended up at a local diner and watched as others from the reunion drifted in and out...chuckling at each other. Tonight is the formal event, but none of us wanted to spend the money or do the dress-up thing, but we are going to the brunch tomorrow morning...daylight should reveal even more about each other, right?
Anyway, time does go by so quickly (sounds like a Righteous Brothers' song, doesn't it?), and I'm glad we were able to get together. Let's see what tomorrow brings...
My friends and I (and our husbands by default) met up last night at the "ice breaker" at a restaurant by the Hudson, and I have to admit, I was a bit nervous about facing down 20 years of aging (our last reunion was 20 years ago), especially after reading through the "memorial" page of our yearbook that is now online (along with other years from our high school).
I was warmly greeted by women who I have not seen in 20 years as my husband and I were walking in, and, I have to tell you, it was really nice and surreal at the same time to see everyone. Someone commented that the name tags -- with our senior year pictures -- should have not been written in script, given our age, since they were a bit difficult to read. We found ourselves ogling everyone's breasts trying to read their names and match them to the older faces. And, just think most everyone was the same age -- give or take a year or so one way or the other -- so we really had a study in heredity and possibly the wonders of cosmetic surgery.
Fortunately, my friend and I agreed to have our husbands with us so that they could entertain themselves while we were oooohhhing and ahhhing and hugging and kissing our long-lost classmates, so they (our husbands) were fine. I ran into people I have known since kindergarten, and because I went to four different elementary schools, I had friends from all over the town who either I met back up in junior high school or in high school.
The funniest thing is to hear about how many grandchildren people had...we have none...our adult children are not married which is totally okay with us, but our biological clocks are ticking too.
I think the saddest thing was how some people seemed to struggle to hold onto their high school images and personas as if the rest of us would be angry or disappointed with them. I swear that one woman, a sweetie pie in high school and still to this day, must have a picture somewhere in an attic room taking all the hits for her because she looked so friggin' good last night, and I told her so...ha!
The five of us ended up at a local diner and watched as others from the reunion drifted in and out...chuckling at each other. Tonight is the formal event, but none of us wanted to spend the money or do the dress-up thing, but we are going to the brunch tomorrow morning...daylight should reveal even more about each other, right?
Anyway, time does go by so quickly (sounds like a Righteous Brothers' song, doesn't it?), and I'm glad we were able to get together. Let's see what tomorrow brings...
Friday, September 3, 2010
La Dolce Vita in Southampton, Via the LIE
After a great weekend celebrating my oldest niece's 25-year wedding anniversary to her husband who looks (and acts, I'm sorry to say) like the natives from the movie Deliverance, and also celebrating my brother's 70th birthday (both were surprises), my husband and I drove to Southampton on Monday afternoon.
My question is this...who the heck are all those people driving on the LIE in the middle of the friggin' day? Aside from us, why are the other people there? Traffic is always a pain getting down to my husband's brother and sister-in-law's place in Southampton, but it is so totally worth it. We stayed until Wednesday, and let me tell you that hanging out with them is a lot of fun. They have a beautiful -- and I am talking BEAUTIFUL -- estate in the village of Southampton just a short walk from the ocean (the famous Coopers Beach, actually).
My sister-in-law has a gift for gardens and theirs are something out of House and Garden (which, by the way, they were featured in several years ago). Of course, they have a staff to maintain the landscape and such, but she goes out every morning and early evening (before the blood-sucking mosquitoes) and prunes her beloved roses. She and her mom ("Nana" who has since passed) designed and nurtured the gardens, and it was from her mom that she learned to appreciate the caring of gardens. I wish I had that kind of soul, but I'm thinking that the fact my 37-year-old diffenbachia is still alive (if that plant could talk...wowowowow!) is a fairly good testimony to my greenish thumb, no?
Anyway, I don't care what the weather is like, hanging out down there is very fine with me. My husband's brother and his wife are generous and very cool to hang with, and so are their grown children and various pets. They lead a different life than we do (let's face it, an estate in Southampton, kids), but they are very welcoming to our family. We've had Thanksgiving there a lot, and the place just has good vibes (sound too new agey...sorry).
I wish we could have stayed longer, but we could not because I had a job interview yesterday morning that I am hoping will blossom into a job offer (note the plant reference).
So, keep your fingers and branches and vines crossed and think happy, growing thoughts.
My question is this...who the heck are all those people driving on the LIE in the middle of the friggin' day? Aside from us, why are the other people there? Traffic is always a pain getting down to my husband's brother and sister-in-law's place in Southampton, but it is so totally worth it. We stayed until Wednesday, and let me tell you that hanging out with them is a lot of fun. They have a beautiful -- and I am talking BEAUTIFUL -- estate in the village of Southampton just a short walk from the ocean (the famous Coopers Beach, actually).
My sister-in-law has a gift for gardens and theirs are something out of House and Garden (which, by the way, they were featured in several years ago). Of course, they have a staff to maintain the landscape and such, but she goes out every morning and early evening (before the blood-sucking mosquitoes) and prunes her beloved roses. She and her mom ("Nana" who has since passed) designed and nurtured the gardens, and it was from her mom that she learned to appreciate the caring of gardens. I wish I had that kind of soul, but I'm thinking that the fact my 37-year-old diffenbachia is still alive (if that plant could talk...wowowowow!) is a fairly good testimony to my greenish thumb, no?
Anyway, I don't care what the weather is like, hanging out down there is very fine with me. My husband's brother and his wife are generous and very cool to hang with, and so are their grown children and various pets. They lead a different life than we do (let's face it, an estate in Southampton, kids), but they are very welcoming to our family. We've had Thanksgiving there a lot, and the place just has good vibes (sound too new agey...sorry).
I wish we could have stayed longer, but we could not because I had a job interview yesterday morning that I am hoping will blossom into a job offer (note the plant reference).
So, keep your fingers and branches and vines crossed and think happy, growing thoughts.
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