Normal in an Abnormal Way

Today marks the second anniversary of the death of my sister-in-law, Joan.  I called four of her and my brother's six kids to tell them I was thinking of them; I didn't call the other two for my own reasons.

My brother has since moved on and remarried, and I'm feeling a moving on from the kids, particularly the three girls who live locally.  By the way, the "kids" are in their 30s and 40s and have children of their own.  I am glad that my nieces are doing better because they were their mother's primary caregivers during her short and lethal illness.  I helped them by staying with them, and I got to know the strength of these young women that they probably never realized they had until they had to give their wonderful mother her meds and clean up after her.  We never know our own strength until we have to push something away or hold up something or someone.

The youngest daughter (and child) would -- over these two years -- bemoan the fact that her life "would never be the same" since her mother's death.  I would listen to her and think about my own trip to a new normal when I lost both of my parents within six weeks of each other while I was pregnant with my first child.  I realized that I have now lived my life longer without my parents than I lived with them...life never the same, right?

So, whenever we experience a change in our life, whatever we've considered "normal" is irrevocably altered.  So, what was normal is gone, and a new normal takes its place.  What my life would have been with my parents in it to meet their granddaughter and grandson is something that I could not know and have tried to imagine over these 29 years.  I have lived my life and watched life without them, and it's been a fairly normal life, more or less.

And, my nieces and nephews, and even my brother have been enveloped by a new normal in their lives.  It is not that we forget those who have passed or disrespect them with our lives without them, it is because of them that we need to succeed in the new normal that they've provided us.

I miss my parents and what they have missed in not knowing my children and seeing that my husband and I are still together, but would things have gone as they have with them here?  Wouldn't my brother's and his kids' lives have gone on with their wife and mother?  But, what life would have been with them and my parents is something we can only imagine.

You Have Got to Be Kidding!

It is amazing what a few minutes can do to your mood.  I had two interviews for a job this week that I really would have liked. 

I thought everything went well, and was heartened by the second interview request I had today.  After reworking my schedule -- yes, I do have a schedule -- I dressed to impress and went to my second interview.  All seemed to go fairly well, but something was a bit tinny about this second interview, especially when I was told I was the last of the candidates to be interviewed.  Hmmm...was I an afterthought rather than a viable candidate?  The HR representative asked me to provide her an additional professional reference, and on my way home from the interview, I called to check in with my former SVP to gain clearance to use his name and contact information; he was glad to do so.

Within minutes of my providing the contact information, I received an email back from the principal interviewer to tell me that the position had been filled, blah, blah, blech!  You have got to be kidding me!  Color me disappointed, but more PO'd than that.  I was flexible and agreeable to rearranging my day to come back to meet, and this is the result?  Geez!

In any case, I do have two additional applications to the same organization...should be interesting.  And here I thought all my efforts these past 10 months would finally be rewarded.  I am so tired of this dance.

Green Eggs and Spam

So, my five-year-old laptop, the one I bought to get me through college (which it did admirably except for two outstanding elective courses I need...my issue, not the laptop's) is very, very sick. 

I thought I was being really good about not accepting suspicious emails from family and friends.  You know what I'm talking about...the ones that have some kind of political or religious junk embedded into it along with some cute animal pictures.  I have totally been guilty about sharing pictures or YouTube stuff, I admit, and I'm hoping nothing harmed anyone's elses's computer.  However, someone, somewhere tossed me something stealthy and stinky, and even with the addition of Norton 360, my little laptop is not where it should be...mostly alive, that is...waaaahhhh.

I love that little laptop likeI love my six-year-old car with over 100,000 miles on it (oh no...did I put that out into the Universe only to have it snap me in the soft part of my Italian-American...aauuuuggghhh.  Puhleeze don't hurt my little Subie). 

When your main job is regaining a job, being without a computer is like being sensory deprived.  I figured I'd stumble through and use my husband's laptop when he was at work.  I was seriously afraid to open anything because of being so severely burned...and then...my dear husband did something very unexpected...he offered to get me another laptop!  How cool is that?!

So, here I am on my new laptop, continuing my job search, and deleting my friends and family emails that look to have anything other than a plain old email (sorry!).  I will not open anything that eggs me on, I do not like spam I am.