The Voices in My Head...

Haven't you ever had conversations in your head with yourself or other people as you work on something that is bothering you? Yeah, me too...and I'm having way too many of these conversations lately.

I answer the phone and am greeted by an HR person from my former employer who apologizes profusely because they haven't been that responsive since my layoff from a job I really really liked, and they're calling to make up for it. The HR person also tells me that for the inconvenience, I am not only getting a firm job offer, but it includes a promotion and a salary increase that is better than 3%...isn't that great???!!!

Or, I'm talking to myself and reviewing the last two years of bad career decisions on my part and kicking myself for making them. "If only" is a bad place to be, let me tell you...it gets you nowhere fast.

Actually, I'm having less and less of these conversations because I suppose I'm realizing that there will be no phone calls from HR and that all these jobs that I have applied to will be filled by much younger candidates. Ageism is not a myth, kids.

In the meantime, I've been back to the dentist who let me know that while my jaw is no longer killing me because of TMJ (temporomandibular joint) issues, I am still grinding my teeth together, and I've caused movement and that's why I'm getting food particles stuck (which is a totally gross feeling, especially when you're dining out with witnesses to your efforts to dislodge the friggin' piece of bread, meat, whatever).

I don't need to have any so-called "expert" tell me why I'm grinding my teeth...we know why...don't we? All together...it's because I'm unemployed...auuuggghhh!

Too Young to Retire...Too Old to Hire

Yup...that's what my 30-something doctor had said to me when I told her about my job situation. She said that her husband had lost his job about six years ago, but that he was doing well as a stay-at-home dad (I did say she's a doctor, right?). She wondered if there would be a job for him when he returned to the job market in a few years. After all....he would be 45 years old. Hmmm...45 years old vs. 58 years old, yeah, I'm thinking he'll have better prospects than I do at this point.

I have applied to 13 positions in my old company and heard back (negative, of course) on only two. The rest have gone into a dark, uncaring, not-going-to-get-back-to-me void. Really, not even an email kiss-off???

You start to rethink yourself in terms of your self-esteem when you're involuntarily out of work. Maybe the jig is up, right? Maybe all these years of working and getting great reviews were fake years, and I've been found out!

I have a high school reunion in two months, and I'm loathe to speak of what I'm doing if I'm still not employed. Maybe I can fancy it up by saying I'm between jobs and weighing my employment options while continuing my education...but I'll not have enough money to afford to take another elective towards my degree completion, so that part is out.

Ugh...unemployment sucks.

When There's No Job in Sight on Job Sites

I cannot tell you how many job sites I have posted my resume to, but it's a lot, and I am constantly bombarded by the less-than-helpful hints from most of them. Let's face it, those sites are geared more towards the younger job seeker and not someone who has been working since dirt was invented, right?

I lost that loving feeling for being home a long time ago, and whatever shred of optimism I may have had in the beginning has entirely vaporized...especially in this crazy heat wave. I've answered over eight job postings from my former employer, and have gotten only one phone call from HR when they politely told me that golly, you'd be so surprised of all the people who have applied to this posting who have actually done this exact job...yeah, right. In other words, don't call us, and we're likely never to call you. So much for the "think of it as a long vacation" crap that the HR director gave me before I left.

I am not a stay-at-home person...I need to work for the money, but also for me...this is a big part of who I am, and not contributing to the household finances is not real cool at all. I don't care that much for shiny floors and dusted furniture, although my house is way more organized than it's been in a long time.

Puhleeze, someone hire me and not to bring your pets to the vets!!! Aaauuuugggghhh!!!