Rainy Days & Mondays Always Get Me Down...

As I read this Sunday's New York Times Magazine, there was an article by the former editor of a magazine who talks about losing her job when the magazine folded. She had been there for over 20 years and it was a hard adjustment for her.

Her article went on about other transitions in her life -- divorce, children moving out on their own. And then, she talked about how she had to put her house on the market and how hard it was to do that since it was the place where her kids grew up, and where she hoped future grandchildren would be able to visit. Of course, and here's the difference between the rich and us, she had another house to go to in Rhode Island that she had purchased after her divorce several years ago.

I say good for her. She made a sound decision to strike out and position herself so that she had something to cushion herself in the event of a fall. Unfortunately, we are not that savvy; the loss of my job means we've taken a big hit financially. This house we live in is the only one we've owned. It was actually going to be the starter house that we would hold onto for two or three years to build up some equity...October will be 30 years of building and losing equity in a lot more than the house.

Being at home is driving me completely nuts while I post my resume and apply to jobs that pay less than half of what I was making. Maybe I'm so grumpy because it's Monday...it is Monday, right? (loss of job = loss of sense of time and space), and it's raining.

When Are We Too Old for Anything?

During one of the days that I was spending with my terminally ill sister-in-law, we were talking about my work and my 80-mile round trip drive. Joanie said, with no malicious intent, "You're too old to be driving that far for work everyday."

We laughed about it, and a part of me actually agreed with her because of the job I was driving to at the time. There was a lot of pressure involved in a job that should not have been that pressurized, but unfortunately, in order to make a decent salary, I had to drive those 80 miles every day; it's no wonder that my 2005 car is close to 100,000 miles.

But you know, we've all looked at ourselves and others with that same thought, "I'm/she's/he's too old for that." There are a lot of us Baby Boomers who still cling to the some of what we might consider our "glory days" of the 60s and 70s. I figure, as long as you don't have a death grip on it, just go for it, and occasionally give yourself a real look-see in the mirror...should that navel be showing...should I be wearing that?

Genetics and bad habits generally make the decision for us. What looked good on a 23-inch waist generally does not look good on a body with 23-inch thighs because, sadly, proportionately, that 23-inch waist is a mere memory.

As I seek employment, I hear my sister-in-law's voice in my head and remember this past winter's awful mess on Route 84. Would I rather work closer to home? Sure I would, but employers in the area are not willing or able to compete with the Westchester salaries, so my eyes are still looking south.

I guess what I'm saying is that I'm not ready to say "when" on driving 80-miles a day just yet. And, it's not just because that longer commute gives me a chance to listen to my Eagles, Chicago, Santana, Carole King, James Taylor (you get the picture) CDs.

When We Know We Have a Life

So, today is our 31st wedding anniversary. I know this sounds so corny, but where the frig did the time go? How could 31 years have passed so quickly, and where the heck is my chin?

We're planning on a late breakfast and maybe a dinner...nothing fancy. This comes from two people who got married on a Sunday, went bowling that Monday, and went back to work on Tuesday...the romance of it is sometimes too much to remember!

In 31 years, we have had a life that has been filled and emptied by events and people. Five days after we got married, we lost my husband's mother. That same year we found out my dad had cancer. That's pretty much started us on the gives and takes that occur over a course of living. Within the two years that followed our wedding, we lost three parents and gained a wonderful baby daughter. When experts talk about stressors, they could devote a whole chapter to us...we lived them in full color and panovision!

Do I miss not having a big wedding? Yes and no. After all those weddings our parents went to and gave to, it would have been nice to have all those folks return the favor...it would have helped in starting us off. But, you know what? We may not have had the wedding, but we have a marriage. It's not like we haven't wanted (or still want) to smother each other with a pillow, but we have gone through some awful times together and are still here. Best of all, we have two outstanding kids who have provided the best of our life together.

It's not perfect, but is there perfect anywhere? Naaahhh...that is what is so much "fun" about life. We know we have a life together, and there is no telling when a pressed-down pillow may come into play, but the truth is, I am okay with this life...money debt and all.

Happy Anniversary!

Can we say "when" to Happiness?

So, I was on the treadmill this morning watching the Today Show that had Hoda Kotb and Kathy Lee Gifford, and Naomi Wolfe (feminist and author who wrote The Beauty Myth--she's gorgeous, by the way) was on it talking about a study that has determined that women are not has happy as they were 40 years ago.

I don't know about you, but I graduated high school and started working full time all those years ago. I was deliriously happy to be out of high school and working at a job that was paying me $98 a week. I had a 1964 Ford Fairlane which came complete with an AM radio (77-ABC and 66-NBC). Life was good.

Anyway, so the three women did their best to get into the whole women-not-as-happy-today-as-they-were-40-years-ago discussion within their two-three allotted minutes, but Kotb brought up an interesting point--were those women 40 years ago responding as women of that not-so-liberated-enlightened time rather than truthfully??? Nineteen seventy was still a fairly conservative time for women...Donna Reed was still very much a part of the consciousness as an idealized woman, though feminists were getting louder and louder. Wolfe acknowledged that Kotb had made a very strong point, and the three went on to talk about the study and Wolfe's article in this month's More magazine (I'm a subscriber...it's the magazine for women over 40...coincidence??? I think NOT).

So, did these post-war (WWII/Korean), pre-women's lib women fudge on their answers because they were still caught into the "little woman" web? Did they say "when" to happiness? Are you happy?

Saying "When"

In the movie, Regarding Henry, Harrison Ford is a hard-ass lawyer who has to work to recover his cognitive and physical abilities after being shot in the head. As he makes his way, his success is measured by renewing basic tasks and regaining the edge that made him a successful partner in his firm. In one scene, Henry is brought coffee by his assistant who proceeds to add cream to his coffee until it runs a bit over. Her gentle admonishment to Henry is that he needed to say "when" to signal to her that there was enough cream in his coffee.

Not much later into the movie, Henry is emerging with regained and new abilities, and he realizes that he no longer wants to be the edgy lawyer -- especially the less-than-above-board one he was in his previous life. As Henry stops to give his assistant a kiss goodbye, he tells her that he is saying "when."

I am a believer that all of us experience "when" moments, even if we are not aware of them until well after we've had them.

My most recent "when" moment came with regard to work. I decided I wanted out of the role (but not the company) I was in and informed management and HR that I wanted to make a change for a variety of reasons. Unfortunately, my timing coincided with the upheaval of the company I was in, and there were no open roles for me to...well...roll into. I was able to move into a temporary role in another organization and stay on for several months when I was gracefully severed from employment...whoosh! Yup, that is the sucking sound of someone who has been working for a 100 years and who finds herself out of work for the first time in her young life and who wants desperately to get back to work before I friggin' go out of my mind!

We are also witnesses to others in our lives and their "when" moments. I watched my wonderful sister-in-law have one as she decided not to pursue chemotherapy for her stage four cancer. She and my brother were together 46 years (45 married), had six children and scads of grandchildren when she was diagnosed with the monster who filled her body. She said "when" to the chemo and then to staying in the hospital. And as we stood around her, the final "when" occurred with her last breath. I will never forget that experience. More importantly, I will never forget the woman who gave so much of herself in love and guidance to the rest of us...never even considering saying "when" to any of us when we needed her.

I do not think we should view saying "when" as giving up or giving in, it's just saying enough, I'm full, I'm tired, or maybe just "piss off." Saying "when" must be a primal throwback of sorts, don't you think? Back when our small-brain relatives had too much of the whole raw vegetable fad, they said "when" and introduced protein into their diets by way of wholly mammoths and the like. Their brains grew, and buffalo wings were born (well...not until the discovery of fire and hot sauce).