Saying "When"

In the movie, Regarding Henry, Harrison Ford is a hard-ass lawyer who has to work to recover his cognitive and physical abilities after being shot in the head. As he makes his way, his success is measured by renewing basic tasks and regaining the edge that made him a successful partner in his firm. In one scene, Henry is brought coffee by his assistant who proceeds to add cream to his coffee until it runs a bit over. Her gentle admonishment to Henry is that he needed to say "when" to signal to her that there was enough cream in his coffee.

Not much later into the movie, Henry is emerging with regained and new abilities, and he realizes that he no longer wants to be the edgy lawyer -- especially the less-than-above-board one he was in his previous life. As Henry stops to give his assistant a kiss goodbye, he tells her that he is saying "when."

I am a believer that all of us experience "when" moments, even if we are not aware of them until well after we've had them.

My most recent "when" moment came with regard to work. I decided I wanted out of the role (but not the company) I was in and informed management and HR that I wanted to make a change for a variety of reasons. Unfortunately, my timing coincided with the upheaval of the company I was in, and there were no open roles for me to...well...roll into. I was able to move into a temporary role in another organization and stay on for several months when I was gracefully severed from employment...whoosh! Yup, that is the sucking sound of someone who has been working for a 100 years and who finds herself out of work for the first time in her young life and who wants desperately to get back to work before I friggin' go out of my mind!

We are also witnesses to others in our lives and their "when" moments. I watched my wonderful sister-in-law have one as she decided not to pursue chemotherapy for her stage four cancer. She and my brother were together 46 years (45 married), had six children and scads of grandchildren when she was diagnosed with the monster who filled her body. She said "when" to the chemo and then to staying in the hospital. And as we stood around her, the final "when" occurred with her last breath. I will never forget that experience. More importantly, I will never forget the woman who gave so much of herself in love and guidance to the rest of us...never even considering saying "when" to any of us when we needed her.

I do not think we should view saying "when" as giving up or giving in, it's just saying enough, I'm full, I'm tired, or maybe just "piss off." Saying "when" must be a primal throwback of sorts, don't you think? Back when our small-brain relatives had too much of the whole raw vegetable fad, they said "when" and introduced protein into their diets by way of wholly mammoths and the like. Their brains grew, and buffalo wings were born (well...not until the discovery of fire and hot sauce).